Sam's Town
by la Belle Luna Claire
Summary: Set during Breaking Dawn, Leah Clearwater listens to her brothers iPod while thinking about all the things that made her the way she is. There really is a person behind the frosty façade.


**A/N: This fic is really out of character for me for a couple of reasons. First, I'm not this character's biggest fan and second, it's technically a song fic. I tried really hard not to make it like some of the song fics that I've read before, which, to be honest, I thought kind of sucked. The song is by The Killers, which is one of my favourite bands. Their song **_**Sam's Town**_** reminded me of Leah Clearwater, so I decided to give Leah a more human face behind her cruelty. I hope you all enjoy it because I enjoyed writing it.**

"_So why do you waste my time?"  
__Is the answer to the question on your mind  
__And I'm sick of all my judges  
__so scared of What they'll find  
__But I know that I can make it  
__As long as someone takes me home,  
__every now and then…_

~_Sam's Town_, The Killers

_Sam's Town_

Life sucks. If anyone ever tells you otherwise, they're either really thick, really lucky, or really _lying_.

So here I was, sprawled out on my bed, listening to my brother's iPod, hating my life more than anyone had ever hated there life in the history of the world. More than that, at this moment, I hated Jacob's life as well. He had found a way out and he had taken my baby brother with him. I know that Seth had made his decisions by himself, but if Jacob had just fucking listened to Sam and helped us take those bloodsucking leaches out, none of this would have happened. Sure, Jacob and Seth would have probably hated Sam for the rest of their lives, but so what? I did, too.

Well, at least that's what I pretended…

I shook the thoughts from my head. I wanted something out of life, unlike everyone here. No one had a dream that they wanted to fulfill! I tried to ignore that it was starting to bother me. I was the only one in the pack that even bothered wishing for something better. And no one tried to raise a little hell. Where was everyone's sense of adventure? It really pissed me off sometimes. I could understand that the pack members wouldn't want to push the envelope, but what about the normal teens here? I mean, shouldn't they be going out and getting drunk and throwing late night parties that the cops get called to break up? Isn't that what normal teens do?

I had all this energy inside me. I felt like running away, like I could just run away from everything in my life and get carried away to someplace different and new. Someplace where I did have to see Sam…

My heart fluttered painfully when I thought about him. I didn't really mind that it got to me anymore. It was just one more pain to remind me why I should forget the bastard. Unfortunately it wasn't that easy. I had to look through his eyes – and everyone else's – every day of my life now and see exactly what they thought of me; pitiful Leah, pathetic Leah, cruel Leah, Leah who got her heart broken…

The worst was what Sam thought of me. He felt sorry, so _guilty_ for what he'd done to me. And I hated that more than anything else. He had Emily, my cousin. For so long we had been best friends, sisters almost. And then Sam started acting strange, started avoiding me, making up excuses for why he couldn't be with me. Then he started going out with Emily, right around the time that she was supposedly been mauled by a bear. She was the reason that Sam had left me. If he hadn't imprinted on her, her would have come back to me, after he had learned to control himself. He would have loved me. It was her fault! She deserved those scars that adorned her face! She was the reason I was the way I was. I hated her!

Why do they waste my time? I had wondered that for a long time. Was I really _so_ important to the pack? I hated it there and they obviously didn't care for me. I was always having to prove myself, the only girl werewolf in our history. They were always judging me, and I was scared of what they might find if I let my walls down. I wasn't really as bitter as everyone thought. Deep down, I was just a scared little girl in way over her head. I turned the music up louder.

I could make it on my own. I didn't need anyone. I could leave someday, just give up the pack life and get an apartment in the city. I could take classes at a community college; maybe take yoga or meditation classes to get my temper under control so that I could give up being a wolf for good. Maybe I wouldn't stop at Seattle. Maybe I would go somewhere far away. Somewhere sunny, instead of the constant rain that had been so present since I was born. California would be nice, or Arizona or New Mexico. I wanted to feel the sun on my skin, let it soak in and warm my very bones.

I knew that I could never stay away from my family, though. I would have to come home sometime. I couldn't do that to my mom and brother, not after dad had died. I would have to swallow my pride and come back every now and then, even if it hurt and even if someone had to drag me there. I would be like Jacob's sister Rachel, forced away by something, yet unable to stay away from her family forever. But, then again, she would get her happily-ever-after with Paul. God, I hated all this imprinting shit.

Yes, I would move somewhere sunny one day, in a big city. I remember once, when I was seventeen, I took the car and went to Seattle. It was one of those rare sunny days. I loved it. I parked the car and walked around, watching everyone around me, wondering about their stories, like who they were and where they were going. That was probably the first time I ever thought about leaving La Push one day. I saw all of those people, making their own ways in this world, and I suddenly longed for that myself. I wanted more in life, and I wanted Seth to have more in his life, too. He was always so sweet, even back then when he was only twelve years old, a time when most boys were vile to be around. My whole life had been so masked. I'd barely ever been out of La Push. I'd only been to Seattle a few times in my whole life, a place seemingly so close, yet still so far away. It was a nice day out for me, the last I'd really had before everything went so incredibly wrong.

I thought of my father's funeral. It was the only person I'd ever really known to die. I mean, sure, I'd been to a few funerals before, like the one for Jacob's mom after she was killed in that car accident, but I didn't really know her and I was so young that most of it was hazy. And they didn't have an open casket ceremony like my dad's. It was shortly after his death that Seth and I turned into wolves.

Ah, Seth. I couldn't believe that he could leave me here. He was the only one in the pack that I would never say anything to hurt. I loved him so much. I _needed_ him. He was my brother and even though he annoyed me at times, I would always love him more that he would ever know. I felt protective over him. I guessed that this is what being a mom would feel like. I guess that my love for my brother and my wanting him to succeed would be as close to motherhood as I would ever get. I couldn't have children anymore.

So why _do_ they waste my time? Surely they didn't need me. Hell, they probably didn't even _want_ me. I was sick of all them judging me and not letting me be myself. If I could be myself, maybe they wouldn't think such nasty things of me. I could be someone that could be a friend. When I left La Push, maybe I could be someone's friend. Maybe I could love someone else besides Sam, who couldn't love me anymore. As long as I could come home every once-in-a-while, I could do it.

I stopped thinking for a minute and just listened to the lyrics of the song that was just starting.

_Nobody ever had a dream 'round here  
__But I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me  
__Nobody ever pulls the seams 'round here  
__But I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me_

_I've got this energy beneath my feet  
__Like something underground's gonna come up and carry me  
__I've got this sympathetic heart that beats  
__But I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me_

I paused, letting the music wash through me. It was perfect for me, my life. It was filled with emotion and want, _need_. It made me feel like there were people out there that could understand me if I took the chance to let someone.

I looked down at the little screen, wanting to know what the song was. I stifled a laugh as I read the little scrolling text.

_**Sam's Town  
**_**The Killers**

Oh, how incredibly appropriate. _Sam's Town_. And by The Killers, to boot. I was, after all, living in Sam's town. He was the ruling class here, the man I loved and hated at the same time, and his life was determined by those bloodsucking parasites. Everything ultimately went back to them.

Jacob managed to get away, that lucky bastard. I wished that I would get out of Sam's Town, too. I'd much rather play lapdog to a bunch of vampires like Jacob and Seth than have to look through Sam's eyes for the rest of my life.

And that's when it hit me.

_If Jacob and Seth could leave, why couldn't I?_

I mean, it's not like I was going to blow the pack's cover; Jacob and Seth already told to Cullens about the attack. I could join them, wait the whole thing out. It might even be a little nice, only having to share my mind with my brother and Jacob. If anyone could understand my pain, Jacob probably could. We were both alike in a lot of ways. We had both lost a parent and the one we loved to another. Who knows, without Sam and all Jacobs little goonies, we might even get along alright. I could even try to be fair tempered about protecting a bunch of vampires.

Or not.

As the song came to its end, I turned it off and wrapped the earphones around its slender form, setting it carefully on my desk. I paused for a minute and let the lyrics of the song wash over me again before moving.

I had never thought of my life being this way. Never in a million years would I ever wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemies. My life, once so normal, had become a train wreck. I was stuck in the same place with nowhere to go regardless. I was stuck in Sam's Town, where I was slowly being drained of everything I once was. Now I had a way out, a path that someone had just cleared out and laid wide open for anyone to follow. I could finally leave this little hell and never have to hear Sam's thoughts in my head ever again.

I knew what I was going to do, even before my legs carried me away.

**A/N: So tell me what you think! Did you love it or hate it? Please review. And if you've been reading my story **_**Is and Isn't**_** I promise that I'm working on the next chapter and will have it up as soon as I finish it. Happy readings! REVIEW! Oh, and my disclaimer is on my profile, so don't kill me.**


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